Notes: (In note form)

All notes must be read in rough whisky-drowned bass for full effect.

Am adult. Iron sheets now.

Can’t like all music. How children rebel against tastes?

Conjoined twins fighting over their trouser zip.

David Mitchell – actually time traveller from future. Stole entire persona from man more like him than he is.

Films teach people. Big risky final plan always pays off. Stupid lesson makes pupils stupid.

Lesson two from films – bulk of romantic places on earth invariably airports.

People say humans and dolphins only creatures that sex for pleasure. That mean other creatures sex for what, larvae? God?

Phill Collins – parallel universe David Cameron lookalike?

Predictive typing useless because writing totally- Wait. Unpredictable? No. Saw that coming.

So obsessed with terrible photos of self, forgot to take nice ones.

Sometimes rust smells like coffee.

Speakers going. Taking peace of mind with them.

Started using internet music search on washing machine, active rubbish trucks, train tracks, overheard conversations. No music found.

Stop Steinbeck! Stop tearing my heart!

This is a secret hidden bonus note. I’m communicating directly through the fourth wall. I’m totally serious here. I’m writing a-

Used to be prolific playwright. Now write Facebook statuses instead. Much more successful.

What dark gathers around eyes when tired?

When stressed, beard grows faster.

Whenever meet someone new and exciting, want to say “Sorry. Only human twenty two years. Not mastered basics.”

Why fictional novelists never live with parents?

World needs hypocrites.

Writing novel about whale love triangle. Whale A in love with whale B. Whale B not love back. Whale B love submarine.

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