Hollywood films are obsessed with destiny. Neo must save humanity, Anakin must restore balance to the force, John Connor must triumph against the machines.
What is destiny? In films it is normally some kind of goal will inevitably be achieved. It is positive. Salvation. This is distinct from the destinies of the ancients, who were often doomed to terrible fates, such as pushing a stone up a hill for eternity.
What I do here is not destined. I am forcing myself to write with the aim of improving my skills in this area. Those of you who have seen me lately will probably have found me telling you with a tired satisfaction that I spend a large part of my life now making games very, very slowly. I tell people that I’m looking forward to writing again at some point when I have the time to plan a big story out and really make it into a project. But I can’t do that while I’m making a game.
While I can’t write anything big, at least at this stage, I can squeeze out passages that are hopefully halfway readable, if entirely self-referential and content-free. So that’s what I’m doing. Keeping my writing-brain alive. Pushing the muscles a bit. Pushing forward minimally in a tedious way when I’m feeling a bit tired after working on the game. But this is progress! Because I wasn’t writing anything before today and I have done my game work for the week.
What I am not going to do now is commit myself either publicly or internally to any kind of writing target, because I’m already absorbed enough in the game-making targets that take over my life and my conversations (apologies to anyone I have spoken to in the past ten months).
What I am going to do is write crummy pieces that I haven’t edited very much and then chuck them out here for people to gaze at in all their unfinished intestinal gory