How to be a Mungo

People sometimes (genuinely) compliment me on my excessive Facebooking and my  style of conversation. And very occasionally, very unusual humans ask me how it is that I come up with whatever nonsense I’ve been putting about recently. If you are one of those statistical outliers, or you would like to learn about my process for any other reason, then this is your lucky blog/article/post/day. Here is my advice on how to be a Mungo. Take it at your own risk:

  1. Work by volume. A lot of what you say or think will be irredeemable, stupid, incoherent or horrible. But a very small quantity will be interesting or at least comprehensible. If you’re ever going to have something worthwhile to look back on then you will simply have had to have made a butt-load of crap in the process. I know that sentence was crummy. BUT IT LED TO THIS ONE. Oh no, that was crummy too. Carry on!
  2. Abandon the bad. Seriously. It doesn’t matter how much time and energy you’ve put into it, if you’re going to make a cool video game then you have to put down the mic and stop doing terrible stand up comedy. And you have to stop going for dinner and having phone calls and cutting your hair and tidying your room.
  3. Abandon the fun. Everything that is not the most important? Stop doing it! Make that game! Write that awesome status! Do the important thing, not the fun thing!
  4. Apologise, continuously. This actually can become very annoying for the recipient, but it is in your nature as a Mungo. I didn’t say being a Mungo is all good.
  5. Tell everyone they are amazing. Because they are, you flatterer. You’re so good at flattery.
  6. Hold both pessimism and optimism within your mentality. You must be pessimistic about human receptiveness to facts and reason, optimistic about the state of the world today compared with arbitrary point x in the past, pessimistic about politicians and the electorate, optimistic about your own future and also pessimistic about your own future at the same time.
  7. Embrace irrationality. Being a Mungo involves knowing that there are gaping holes in your knowledge and understanding, and striving to fill them in, but also taking perverse pride in all your cognitive and emotional failures.
  8. Make strange noises. You must hum, sing, sigh, buzz, sniff and laugh spontaneously. It is the law of Mungo, and you like to think it is because you are concentrating so hard that you lose control of your audio output.
  9. Obsess. When you are writing a post, nothing exists apart from your screen. When you are talking to someone, there are no pavements or public around you. Being a Mungo involves concentrating on one thing at a time, often for a very long time.
  10. End things abruptly and without explanation.
  11. Always seek feedback. Do you like this article? Let me know, I’ll write another one! I don’t know anything without you! Don’t like it, also let me know! I can change! I can be a better man I promise!
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